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Lifestyle

4 signs that a couple is headed for divorce

4 signs that a couple is headed for divorce

A relationship expert revealed the four telltale signs that herald a divorce in a marriage. In fact, he describes them as "more common than you think."

California-based clinical psychologist Kathy Nickerson explained that there are four behaviors that indicate a breakup is on the horizon.

Her theory is based on that of the researcher, John Gottman, and basically confirms it. According to Gottman, who has done 40 years of research on married couples' relationships, there are four factors that can lead any relationship to break down and eventually break up.  They are: criticism, constant defensiveness, contempt and apathy.

While Kathy Nickerson mentions in her video that the above factors can predict a divorce or a separation to the extent of 90%. "Did you know that there are four behaviors that predict 90% of the end of a relationship?". He then explained how each factor contributes to the split:

"Criticism occurs when you comment strongly or negatively on your partner's thoughts, feelings, actions, behavior and appearance. For example, one might say in dialogue to the couple: “Oh, so you're going to be sitting on the couch all day today, aren't you? You do nothing to help. You are lazy". Criticism destroys the relationship, as it shows a lack of acceptance, and if we don't feel accepted in our relationship, we won't feel comfortable sharing our thoughts and feelings."

Regarding contempt, he said: "Our words and behavior can also be contemptuous. An example of contempt in a relationship might be: “I can't believe I'm married to such a disgusting person. You gave up on yourself. You make me sick". In fact, the relationship expert noted that Gottman's research showed that this is the most important indicator of divorce in a marriage. "It's hard to feel safe and comfortable when others are constantly pointing out your flaws and mistakes. You feel devastated," he said.

The next sign on the list is apathy, also known as stonewalling. In this case, one of the two partners avoids conversations and stops talking when he thinks that the topic does not interest him or he is tired. "The destruction of stones is destructive to our relationship, because when it happens, we feel as if the other is canceling us, that we cannot be heard. If our partner just walks away from us without answering us, we think he doesn't understand us. It devalues ??us and leads to a sense of doubt about ourselves and our relationship. We distance ourselves and explain it as a lack of love and interest," the expert emphasized in the video.

In the end he explained that the constant defense we develop in a relationship means insecurity and alienation of both partners. "If your partner shares with you why they feel hurt by your behavior and you automatically try to defend yourself by speaking up, then you will most likely immediately develop a defensive posture. Many times we don't understand how this happens, but it can lead to the end of a relationship, as it causes uncertainty and lack of understanding."

What you can do to help your relationship
The expert notes that it is not too late to improve your relationship, as long as you want.

"Start by becoming more positive, loving and kind to your partner. Show goodwill and try to change your routine for a while. Organize outings or joint activities and remember that there is no perfect person, so there is no perfect relationship or perfect marriage. Your relationship will be as happy and healthy as you want it to be. You just have to give it the attention and dedication it needs."